A Cautionary Tale Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 

February 5th – 8th  cont. 

We are weary. I mean the kind of tired where you feel like your drunk. The kind of tired where little kids either get whiny and clingy, or just plain silly. Mix in emotional devastation and you have a recipe for disaster. 

Audree and I take a few minutes to call the immediate family. Somehow Dena made it back to Mt. Airy and was in the bed sleeping when I called.  

"Danie?"  She asks, her voice heavy with sleep. 

"Daddy."  Is all I have to say. 

I hear her gasp as her gears engage. "No." She whispers, "We just left; he was breathing fine." I can hear the tears collecting, clogging her throat.  

"Audree is trying to reach Jimmy, then we're headed back to the hospital."  I don't recognize my own voice, and how emotionless I sound. Right now I'm just numb. 

"I'm on my way." She mumbles and I hear her say, "Claude," as we disconnect. 

"You ready Audree?" I ask my step-mother. 

"Jimmy isn't answering."   

"He's probably still on his way home." I say distractedly.  

 Once again I park on Broad between Ontario and Tioga, the same spot I left just an hour earlier. Dena pulls up behind me and the three of us bolster each other as we head to Big Jim's side. Everyone on the unit is so kind and supportive. They tell us what happens next, that we have a couple of hours, so feel free to call other family members that are close by who may want to be with him. Shit! That reminds me, Jimmy doesn't know yet. I try his cell but get no answer. 

"Do you have Kim's cell number?" I ask my sister.  

"Yeah, why?" She asks back. 

"I can't get a hold of Jimmy." I answer. 

"You haven't called him yet! He doesn't know!?! " Said with just enough incredulity and judgement to crawl under my skin. Audree, who has been standing bedside holding dad's hand and smoothing his hair, looks over at us after hearing the edge in Dena's tone. I almost take the bait, but instead bite back my own venomous rejoinder. 

"Audree tried three times before we left the house, and I just tried again, but he isn't answering."  I reply quietly, but my eyes are blazing, transmitting what I won't allow in my tone. Dena steps into the hallway to call Kim, and I try to fix my face. I silently repeat, 'we're all tired, we're all tired, we're all fucking tired,' until I feel myself ease off of level 100.  

"It's 3:12am, should we call the rest of the family or just wait til later to notify them?" I ask just as Dena comes back in the room. 

"This may be the only time it's ok to call someone up at 3 o'clock in the morning." Dena states. She's absolutely right I concede, so we divvy up the calls and begin making the notifications to the rest of our family. I call our aunts Ena and Carrie. Dena gets hold of our uncles Solomon and Jeff Sr. We spend another hour making calls, milling around the room, and reminiscing. Sometime after four his nurse comes in to let us know they will be coming for him shortly. She tells us it's fine if we stay, but some families have a really hard time watching the process, the white sheet being placed over the face, for some, is particularly traumatic. Though I know Big Jim would be there for any of us until the end, no matter how hard it was on him; I just don't think I have the fortitude to watch that right now. My emotional fabric is thin and fraying at the edges. One by one we say our goodbyes. It was hardest watching Audree. Dad is the man she's loved for over forty years. They were the strongest couple I've ever seen. So watching her say farewell to her life-long, love is hard.  

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I wake close to noon. I'm groggy and for half a second don't remember I'm in the back bedroom at my dad's house; my old room. The room Dena and I shared long past the time that we had outgrown it.  Audree painted the lime green walls white, traded out the old dresser with one considerably more upgraded, and got rid of the second bed. I get, three, maybe four seconds before the events of the early morning slam into me like a wrecking ball. My dad is dead, he slipped away from us in the pre-dawn hours of February 6th. The doorbell rings, and I realize that's what woke me. 

"Danie." I hear Audree calling me. "Danie, Justine is down here." 

I sit up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.  

"Ok," I croak. Clear my throat and try again. "Ok, tell her to come on up." 

I open the bedroom door and there are lots of voices downstairs. I hear Justine climbing the steps and talking to Audree and whoever else is down there with her. 

"I know Miss Audree,"  Justine says, answering a question that I didn't hear. "She never could get her butt outta bed before noon."   

"Yuck, yuck, yuck, you so funny I forgot to laugh," I say, meeting her at the top of the stairs, as I head for the bathroom. "Go on in my room, I gotta wash my face and brush my teeth." 

"Yeah, and do a good job. I can smell your morning breath from here. "  She jokes while fanning her nose. I flip her the bird over my shoulder before I close the bathroom door. Justine Newman is my gurl, my partner-in-crime, my best friend. We've been friends since we were in grade school. I am so glad she's here.  

"Who is down there?" I ask, as I re-enter my old bedroom. "Sounds like a lot of people." I say pulling on my jeans from the night before.  

"Yup, a whole lotta people I don't know." she quips. "I think your Aunt Willetta, Chandra, some little boy, and two ladies I don't know." Justine finishes hunching her shoulders.  

Oh wow, I haven't seen my aunt or cousin in a few years, and I haven't seen Chandra's little boy, Ramiek, since he was a baby. He's eleven now, a year older than CJ.  Justine offers me her very warm condolences, and tells me she gave Audree a card when she came in.  

"Thank you, girl." I give her a hug. "Where did you get a card that fast? I called you just after I called Cy, and Marla, only," I check the clock, "four hours ago." 

"You know me Danie, I'm always prepared."  

I chuckle at that, because she always is. I have no idea how our friendship has lasted so long, because we are polar opposites. She is up with the birds, I hang out with the owls. She is organized and orderly. I lose my phone, my keys, my credit cards, and my mind twice a year. My constant refrain is..., "Justine did you see my ________ " fill in the blank. 

The house is full. Justine was right, my Aunt Willetta, my cousin Chandra, and her son; Audree's closest friend Miss. Bernie, and a friend of hers I haven't seen in ages, Miss Louise. I say hello to everyone, give a round of hugs, and a chorus of thank you, that's so kind. Dena comes in with her youngest daughter, Morgan. Morgan is a Junior in high school, and didn't want to go to school today. She said she heard Dena leave the house after 2am, and knew her Pop-pop and passed away. I'm so glad Dena didn't make her attend classes, and allowed her to come and fellowship with her family on this awful day. 

The afternoon continues with long time neighbors and friends dropping by, as the news of Big Jim's passing spreads. Some bring stuff, some handing cards, some coming through just to express their shock and grief and let us know they are there if we need anything. It's beautiful, and heart warming, but it's also exhausting. Jimmy showed up around 4 o'clock, with his youngest daughter, Taylor, and Lil Jimmy. The telephone rings non-stop. During one earlier call I heard Audree say, 'Yeah, twelve hours ago we were holding out hope, but....,' and she's unable to finish. I thought I was the only one counting the hours. Round about 6pm Miss Bernie pulls me to the side and tells me we have to find a way to get Audree to rest. She's been going non stop and she going to crash soon. 

"Yeah, I know." I respond just as concerned. "I thought she went to sleep when I did." 

"She's only been getting cat naps since your dad collapsed on Sunday." Miss Bernie informs me.
"And we still have to go to the Hall, and the funeral home," I think to myself. 

"Yeah." Miss Bernie adds. Shit, I didn't realize I said that out loud. 

We make it to Ray Funeral Home and get everything planned. God Bless anyone who can do that work day in and day out, because I couldn't do that.  

Saturday is even busier than Friday was. Friends of my dad's that I hadn't seen in decades, come through. One older gentleman is at the door, Dena lets him in, me, Dena, nor Audree recognize him; Dena and I don't catch on until he gives us his pedigree, and we jump in the 'wayback machine' at the exact same moment and we both shout, "Tyrell, and Brian's dad!"  We both remember playing with his sons way back when. Another one of our dad's friends that we don't recognize stops by. When he leaves I look at Dena and ask her who he was but she doesn't know either. Audree tells us that, that was either Lou or Choo, she can't remember which one is which, but they own the popular bar on Hunting Park Ave. Wow, that place has been open forever, it's like a landmark by now. I remember when Daddy and Jimmy use to go down there on the weekends and help them pound nails, hang dry wall, and whatever else they did to help them get ready for opening day.  

Sunday rolls around, we finish getting all the pictures that we want in his program sorted out. I begin writing his obituary. I've never written an obituary, and I'm not real sure what goes in one beside the dates of birth and death, and the family that is left behind. Dena gives me some ideas like, his military service, his achievements as an athlete and artist, his community involvement, just a general summation of his life. I write most of it with a lot of input from Dena. I let Miss Bernie read my first draft. Since I am a writer anything I write I try and put as much color and detail in so that the reader can get a real visual image. So I write that Jim and Marla were high school sweethearts, because it's the truth. My dad and mom met as teenagers attending Simon Gratz High School. Upon reading that part of the obit Miss Bernie thinks that might be a little too extra. Ok, I can back off that terminology. There was a lot of love loss between Marla and Big Jim, and I know he probably wouldn't appreciate that amount of detail. So I revise and just state that James Goodman met and married Marla L. Choate and they produced three successful children. I like it and finish off the rest of the obituary. I think it's really good if I do say so myself.  

There is still a ton of little tasks to be completed, and we run errands until it's dark. LaNissa, Morgan, and I ride with Dena to Lincoln to pick up Cameryn, Dena's oldest daughter, and our resident rebel. We walk in and Audree tells us that Jimmy is really upset, something about an issue with his ex-wife saying Jocelyn doesn't want to attend the services. Lord, give us strength. I really hope Maya isn't going to use this occasion to club Jimmy. I still consider her my sister-in-law, and part of the family. Jocelyn use to have a really good relationship with Audree and Big Jim, and we really want her with the family as we say goodbye.  

At this point the world goes tilt, and long held relationships are forever damaged. Audree asks me to see the obituary. We are still chatting about Jimmy and Maya, everyone expressing hope that we will see her and Jocelyn at the funeral. Audree begins reading what I've written and offers her opinion.  

"No, that's not what I want it to say." She states calmly. 

"What part?" I ask her..., calmly 

"This part right here." She points to the section where I write that James Goodman met and married Marla Choate. 

"Ooookay," I mumble, "What should it say?" 

"You know Big Jim wouldn't want that in there."  Ah, the penny drops, and I think to myself, you mean you don't want that in there. But I'm ready to appease to keep the peace, so I can back off  a little, but just a little. I pull my laptop to me and make the adjustment. 

I write, James Goodman has three children from a previous marriage. That's my compromise, can't go no further. There is a prickly feeling climbing my spine. She comes around the center counter and looks over my shoulder. 

"No, that's not what I want it to say." The volume rising in her voice. 

"There is nothing else for me to take out." I counter, comprehension and anger beginning to rise in mine. 

"I want you to write, James Goodman together with Audree Murray, raised his three successful children."  

"No." No preamble, no justification, just no. I'm not writing that. 

"I said change it Danie." The dam breaks.  "Just change it!" She is actually screaming at me. 

"No."  

"What."  It's not a question. It's like she's daring me to say it again.  

Of her three children, I'm NOT the one to do this with. I WILL FIGHT YOU BACK. I would fight Big Jim back, and there is no mortal being on earth that I respected more than him. I give as good as I get. She has to know that..., she and Daddy taught me that. Don't ever be the one to make all the adjustments. Those are her words. So, as far as this subject is concerned..., I've made all the adjustments I'm prepared to make. Full stop. We both become people we've never met before.

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